Friday, July 20, 2012

Boundaries and Limits

Boundaries and Limits:
So many people struggle with creating healthy boundaries with loved ones, family, friends, coworkers, business partners, etc.. What happens is they end up resenting these people so much it effects their health and overall lives. Many end up “playing the game” or “sucking it up”  b/c that’s how they’ve  always been treated and as a result become miserably depressed and anxious. When you are mistreated by someone and I don’t care if it’s your mother, sister, brother, father, cousin, friend, coworker, or spouse you have the right to set limits and boundaries accordingly.  It is never good when someone repeats the pattern of abuse no matter if it is emotional, physical or sexual.  Setting healthy limits and boundaries is necessary when that difficult person in your life continues to be destructive. You may have tried to resolve the problem with them, but they keep on continuing the abuse.  That’s when you know you have to change the dynamic. You may choose to not see that person anymore until they get themselves help and prove they are stable enough to be around. However, those wounds maybe too deep and you may never want that difficult, destructive person to be a part of your life. So you absolutely have the right to KICK THEM TO THE CURB.  Hopefully, over time you can learn to forgive them and send thoughts of peace and loving- kindness from your heart from a distance. My yoga and mindfulness instructor shared a story this past Monday about how he is the oldest of 10 children and he does not see over half his family. He mentioned how toxic they have been in his life and it never felt better to set healthy boundaries with them. He mentioned he has not seen them in years and probably will never see them because they are so destructive in their own lives and also at a time in his life. He doesn’t want that toxicity around his family.  He did mention how he forgives them and does send them love and peace from his heart.  He doesn’t harbor any resentment and wishes them well. He mentioned how he thinks positive thoughts about them and how they do not effect his life negatively as they once did. He feels free of that pain and has moved on in more productive healthy ways. Yes, this can be a difficult thing to do. Just remember, if you have tried to resolve the problem with this person, and they continue to mistreat you, and you feel bad about yourself for being around them, you have the right to set healthy limits and boundaries and put an end to the destructive behavior pattern in your life.