Wednesday, August 15, 2012

What gives people the right to treat others poorly?

What gives people the right to treat others poorly? Is it growing up school came easy to them, so they have this belief they are better than everyone else because supposedly they are so smart? Perhaps it's because they went to Ivy league schools. Maybe they have wealthy parents and lead privileged lives. 

My friend who is a successful business man deals with a lot of folks in the Newton/Wesley MA area. Great place to live, but lots of difficult people. Snobs can be hard to please. I'm not saying everyone who lives there is a snob. Just some people. This one woman I am thinking of always critiques him on his emails. It's always about his poor grammar and misspellings. Now this guy makes so much money. She stays at home, no children, and doesn't work. She's supported by her husband who  makes over 300,000 a year, and yes, she did graduate from Harvard. If you ask me she's an emotional mess. I told my friend not to be so accommodating with making corrections and to deliberately misspell words and use poor grammar. He'll feel better and she'll still want to buy his products. What makes her feel so much better than everyone? Is it all that money she is so accustomed to?? Is she really better off because she has a better handle on the English language, or because she went to Harvard, or maybe it's her privileged upbringing having such wealthy parents?

 I have certainly come across many people who look great on paper however, they struggle so much with working out their emotional issues. Maybe they are the CFO, CEO, or VP of large corporations. Sure they can dazzle you with how intelligent they are. However, if you can't handle your emotional world, and you can't learn to work through your issues, and all you can do is spell words correctly and use good grammar are you really any better off?? 

Money is the root of all evil. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. All that power and money isn't going to make you happy. A perfect example of that is the woman mentioned above. She has to critique others to make herself feel better. Going to Harvard, having a privileged life with wealthy parents, and a wealthy husband isn't enough for her to feel happy about herself. I see many of us use poor grammar and misspell words all the time. Who cares. In fact, I really don't care what you think of me. I choose to work from an internal framework of being happy with myself first. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living up to other peoples expectations? You misspelled this, and you used poor grammar, and you didn't do this correctly, and you really need to get married, and you really need to join this country club or I can't be your friend, and the list goes on and on.

 What you need to do is ask yourself why am I around these people who make me feel bad about myself? Tell them you are happy just the way you are with all your misspellings, poor grammar, and imperfections. How unfortunate it is for them that they have to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. 

Try to listen to your inner wisdom in order to find true happiness and peace of mind. Also, try to be aware of the types of people you are hanging around with. Remember they will drag you down if you let them.  


Dr. Melissa Samartano PhD, LMHC, RYT
Holistic Counseling Center
825 Broadway
Raynham, MA 02767

Friday, July 20, 2012

Boundaries and Limits

Boundaries and Limits:
So many people struggle with creating healthy boundaries with loved ones, family, friends, coworkers, business partners, etc.. What happens is they end up resenting these people so much it effects their health and overall lives. Many end up “playing the game” or “sucking it up”  b/c that’s how they’ve  always been treated and as a result become miserably depressed and anxious. When you are mistreated by someone and I don’t care if it’s your mother, sister, brother, father, cousin, friend, coworker, or spouse you have the right to set limits and boundaries accordingly.  It is never good when someone repeats the pattern of abuse no matter if it is emotional, physical or sexual.  Setting healthy limits and boundaries is necessary when that difficult person in your life continues to be destructive. You may have tried to resolve the problem with them, but they keep on continuing the abuse.  That’s when you know you have to change the dynamic. You may choose to not see that person anymore until they get themselves help and prove they are stable enough to be around. However, those wounds maybe too deep and you may never want that difficult, destructive person to be a part of your life. So you absolutely have the right to KICK THEM TO THE CURB.  Hopefully, over time you can learn to forgive them and send thoughts of peace and loving- kindness from your heart from a distance. My yoga and mindfulness instructor shared a story this past Monday about how he is the oldest of 10 children and he does not see over half his family. He mentioned how toxic they have been in his life and it never felt better to set healthy boundaries with them. He mentioned he has not seen them in years and probably will never see them because they are so destructive in their own lives and also at a time in his life. He doesn’t want that toxicity around his family.  He did mention how he forgives them and does send them love and peace from his heart.  He doesn’t harbor any resentment and wishes them well. He mentioned how he thinks positive thoughts about them and how they do not effect his life negatively as they once did. He feels free of that pain and has moved on in more productive healthy ways. Yes, this can be a difficult thing to do. Just remember, if you have tried to resolve the problem with this person, and they continue to mistreat you, and you feel bad about yourself for being around them, you have the right to set healthy limits and boundaries and put an end to the destructive behavior pattern in your life. 


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Prayer to My Body

I open my heart to explore the sacred that is inherent within my body. I recognize that my body is the 

temple of my entire being that I am not just this body but the embodied spirit itself. During this practice, my 

intention is to be totally present in my body and in the light of consciousness. When I move in life I move 

with great reverence toward my body. I recognize that it is an opportunity to release any fear of failure or 

success I may have. For this time, I am not bound to be anything or anyone other than fully myself in each 

moment. I make a commitment to myself to engage my attention and awareness in the experience of the 

moment: the union of body, mind and spirit.  

(Psychotherapy, yoga & Expressive Therapy)

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Spiritual Progress

"Spiritual progress is like detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we've asked to be healed our unhealed places are forced to the surface. Detoxifying allows our system to perform more optimally creating an environment for good health. As we've explored, toxins from our earth, air, water, and food can adversely effect our health and the health of our planet. Let's take responsibility to cleanse ourselves and the planet by making mindful and sustainable choices." Sean Corn Yoga Teacher and Spiritual Activist

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

What makes a person wake up?

My question is always, "what makes a person wake up?" Living unconsciously can lead to more damage and destruction. Why live like that and put your loved ones through it.  Some people say it's the degree of pain and suffering that keeps a person in denial. Maybe they are too afraid and scared to face it and give up their unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Some say the pain is exactly  what makes a person motivate to heal themselves and live a consciously aware life.

  I personally find it fascinating that people can live in an unconscious state of mind never aware of their unconscious drives or motives. What's the price they  pay for living here? Usually, this leads to more destructive behavior patterns and damage to their lives and the lives of loved ones. Sometimes it's too late and they wake up after devastation has occurred. Or, they may wake up after they have dug a nice big fat hole for themselves, making it more difficult to help themselves.  Living in awareness, yes, maybe challenging and scary however,  at least you know what the truth of the matter is and can help yourself and the circumstances you maybe in.

 It could definitely be life transforming. Which, would be healthier for you, your children, and loved ones. Or, you could continue the cycle of unawareness and ignorance  pretending things are OK when they are NOT. All you're doing is creating the pattern of destruction in your life and watching how this effects the lives of your loved ones. What you don't resolve and heal from in your life does directly affect others. I know what I write may not be either understood or popular. I don't care what you think of it. What I care about is that you do the work to live in your truth and heal from your pain so you effect others more positively. That will directly affect my life and make my job a lot easier.. I see many people who wake up after 6 months, 2 years, 5 years 10 years. It's never too late and at least they are working on it. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

10 Steps in the Healing Process

10 Steps I use in My Practice to Help Assist Patients in Healing their Mind, Body, and Spirit.

1. Living in the Truth

2. Trust and have Faith in the process

3. Learn Mindfulness Techniques

4. Positive Thinking Strategies/ Affirmations

5. Identify what your needs, wants, and desires are

6. Learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively to significant others

7.Learn how to use Meditation Techniques and Prayer for deeper healing

8.Eating whole foods and maintaining a balanced diet

9. Physical exercise

10. Yoga (Learn to do gentle yoga exercises not just for physical health but to enhance a feeling of peace, calm, joy, and happiness in the mind)

So much more detail goes into each step which I will not be discussing here. This is a good framework to start from when evaluating your level of health.  Remember that each person is different and some steps will be more challenging for some than others.